My son has been running around the house with a cape and a mask making noises and jumping around. He’s not in trouble or needing attention. He thinks he’s a superhero. He’s being male. No one has to teach little boys to shoot guns with their finger, to make explosion noises or to do karate. They just do. It’s very natural for a boy to want to be a hero.
Men are called to lead. It’s built into our nature. It’s part of our being. It’s why we compete, hunt and sport. We are born leaders. God designed man to lead the home and the family.
That is not to say that women don’t have leadership abilities. Mothers and wives are responsible for their homes as well only in a different degree than men are. It was Eve that believed the lie of the serpent but it was Adam that God called to account for the spiritual condition of himself and his wife. Simply put, God’s ideal is that men be responsible for the provision, protection and spiritual health of the family.
When God wanted us to understand what His relationship with His people would be He employed the analogy of a Father and his children and a husband to his wife. We have a heavy calling as fathers and husbands to bear the image of our Father.
The scriptures often speak of God in the nature of a Father.
“As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.” (Ps. 103:13)
“The Lord reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.” (Prov. 3:12)
“Father of the fatherless and protector of widows is God in his holy habitation.” (Ps. 68:5)
It is of utmost importance that men, especially in our increasingly decadent and reckless culture, model the fatherhood and husbanding of God. We can and should honor God in how we treat our families. What the world knows of the Father we serve will be the sum of what they see in the Christian Fathers they know.
I never knew my father. My wife and I met him for the first time when I was 23 years old. It was Godly male leadership in the church, and the example of good Christian men, that helped me understand that God wanted to be my Father and that I could trust Him. It has been Godly male leadership in the church that has helped me understand what it means for me to be a good father and husband. Do not underestimate the value of Godly, Biblical, male leadership.
I’d like to also say that fathers and husbands in ministry need to be especially careful not to make ministry an idol to the detriment of their family. We commit idolatry when we place the ministry of the church above ministry to our families. We often forget that, according to 1 Timothy 3 and Titus 1, our ministry in the home is what qualifies us for public ministry in the church.
God has called dozens of men to your city to carry the Gospel. If you were to die today He would raise someone up to Pastor your church. However, you are the only man called to your wife & children.
Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle offers 11 practical ways for men to lead their families on his blog. He says:
As men, we bear a greater burden before God for the well-being of our families and our church. Our wives and children should flourish under our loving leadership.
By the grace of God, you can be who God has called you to be, do what God has called you to do, and love as God has loved you.
As men, we will never in this life experience perfection, but by the grace of God we can experience progress every day until we enter perfection in the life to come. So don’t sulk, don’t sin, and don’t settle, but instead strive.
Here are 11 practical tips for husbands to strive to lead their family well:
1. As the family leader, model humility, honesty, repentance, service, study, and worship. Your life preaches at least as loudly as your words, so teach and model humble godliness by the grace of God.
2. Make sure everyone in your family has a good, age-appropriate Bible that they regularly read. Read the Bible yourself and with them so they are encouraged to read on their own.
3. Make sure you have some basic Bible study tools available for your family in either print or digital form and that everyone learns to use them. If you do not know where to begin, ask your pastor or a godly student of Scripture in your church about things like a good Bible commentary, concordance, dictionary, and atlas.
4. Buy good Christian books for everyone in your family to read. Include Christian biographies among those books.
5. Choose good books that you and your wife can be reading together, including books of the Bible, and discuss what you are learning.
6. If there are Bible-based classes offered in your church, attend with your family.
7. Redeem your commute by listening to good sermons and classes, many of which you can download for free.
8. Have dinner together with your family most nights, and use that time to pray together, keep a journal log of prayer requests for other people, and read a portion of the Bible and talk about it together.
9. Pray for each member of your family every day and let them know you are praying for them.
10. Place a hand on the head of each of your children every day and pray over them. Then kiss them on the head and make sure they often get a loving hug.
11. While either snuggling or holding hands, pray with and for your wife every day and remember to include the reasons you are thankful to God for her that day. If these things have not been common in your home, it is very likely that your family has been aching for them and will be thankful for your loving leadership as the head of your home.
Do you have any other suggestions? Are there any things you’re intentional about to show your kids you love them and Jesus loves them? What kind of things did your dad do that showed you, not only that he loved you, but that Jesus was real in your family and that God loved you? Let me know in the comments below.